A different perspective, leads to clarity...

Read a fantastic post this afternoon on the 'Male Chastity Lifestyle Forum' (which is open to people who have bought Sarah Jameson's book 'Be Careful What You Wish For'). It was quite a long and detailed post relating the authors lengthy realisation (over twenty plus years) that he craved to be controlled and denied by his wife. It all started with a story he read in a magazine when he was seventeen, about a guy who finds photos of his wife sucking another man's cock. He confronts her about the photo's, but admits that it turns him on and she sucks him off before telling him she's going to do it again the next day and get him some more photo's.

This led the author to think that he craved being cuckolded, but when it actually happened to him (with a girlfriend before he was married) he found that he didn't get the satisfaction from it that he thought he would, but yet he would still fantasize about it... which left him very confused. I'm sure a lot of us can relate to this, I know I can. I sometimes worry that Mistress R could easily get the impression that I desperately want her to cuckold me, considering my writing and the captions I have made recently, but I definitely don't... and even if I did I know damn well that I couldn't cope with it. So I for one totally understand where this guy is coming from (he later mentions that he now realises that he knows he couldn't cope with being cucked by his now wife of twenty years).

Eventually he came to realise that what actually turned him on about the story wasn't the fact that the woman had cuckolded the guy, but it was the fact that she was going to go and do it again the next day, knowing that her husband would be staying at home waiting for her. Or to put it another way, it was the fact that the woman was going to be getting pleasure while the guy was waiting and not getting any - sound familiar? Once he recognised his fantasy for what it really was, the cuckolding part of it diminished significantly and he eventually came clean to his wife about his chastity fantasy and is now very much enjoying being kept chaste by his wife for weeks at a time (tellingly, although he had waited so long before telling his wife, she didn't think it was all that 'kinky', and so now he feels foolish for waiting so long, and wasting literally years when he could have been living the way he wanted to).

Because he also feels that 'touching his cock' is 'cheating' and because he wants her to have total control of his cock they are currently moving towards using a CB-6000 to make sure that he can't touch his cock unless she allows it. As my regular readers will know, I understand this very well, as I continue to fail quite badly at the no touching thing, even though I am quite proud of myself for managing to resist making myself cum for, oooh 24 days now... which is why I continue to be frustrated at the seemingly hopeless dream of being locked properly.

Anyway, that's a separate matter... what really struck me about this whole piece was how much I 'got' what this guy was saying, and how much I relate to it. When I write stories or make captions about cuckolding it's not that I want Mistress R to have sex with someone else, it's simply that I want Mistress R to have all the pleasure while denying me mine. Mistress R knows full well that if she wanted me to I would literally go down on her every single night. Nothing makes me happier than making her cum, especially if she teases me and doesn't let me cum, so it stands to reason that cuckolding fantasies would work along the same lines (she's getting all the pleasure, etc etc), it's just making the fantasy bigger isn't it. How many times do you read cuckolding fantasies where the wife suddenly allows her 'bull' to take her anally, even though he's (obviously) hung like a horse and she's never shown the slightest inclination before? Again it's playing to the same fantasy only once again it's upping the ante, now it's not just 'I get all the pleasure', it's also 'not only do I get all the pleasure but he gets the pleasure I would never allow you'. 

I'm not suggesting that all cuckold fantasists feel the same way, I'm sure a lot of them are just into watching their wives fuck someone else and seeing another cock pentrate and give pleasure to their wives, or they actually like the thought of their wife cheating on them. But for those of us who feel a bit confused by the contradiction between our fantasies and our real feelings it makes a lot of sense...

Voting in the polls...

Well, after a promising start (with the 'ruined orgasm' option getting the early lead), as it stands you lot have voted for me to have to wait another month... which, I could live with... Not that the divine Mistress R is likely to take the opinion of a bunch of lowly subbies to heart. The very idea! Still, keep voting if you haven't already and who knows, maybe you'll convince her?

Nice to see that 70% of you reckon that your partner's orgasm is more fulfilling for you than your own. It certainly makes me feel a little less of a freak. Like most of you I'm sure, it's not that I don't enjoy my own orgasms, it's just that making Mistress R cum is the single best thing in the world for me... it just floods me with contentedness and happiness, so much so that even when I'm in the kind of position I am now (23 days without one myself) Mistress R's orgasm is still more important to me than my own, and indeed if Mistress R came up the stairs right now and said 'Do you want to cum, or do you want to make me cum', I wouldn't even need to think about it.
I guess this result is largely a product of the demographic though, I mean given that a lot of us aren't having that many of our own, we're bound to refocus our attention on our lovely Mistress's pleasure aren't we? I can't imagine the same result if you put that poll on, say, Maxim's website, can you?

CAPTION: You want me to be happy don't you...

CAPTION: Your foolishness...

CAPTION: I can't believe you just did that...

CAPTION: When I think you deserve it...

4/1 at last...

It's been a while coming, but Mistress R has now had 4 orgasms for every one of mine since the 1st April, and it's only going to get less fair I'm sure...
Why? Well, if we look at the stats in closer detail we find that in April I was permitted 4 orgasms, in May 2, and June's looking likely to be 1 or perhaps 2 if Mistress R is feeling particularly generous (although from the look in her eyes earlier when she said 'no, you're not cumming yet', I very much doubt it!).
I don't have a record of when all of Mistress R's orgasms have taken place, but I do know that Mistress R has had approximately 2 a week for the last twelve weeks. So using that to formulate a rough guide, we can see that in April Mistress R had 9 orgasms to my 4, in May she had 9 orgasms to my 2, and in June so far she's had 6 to my 0.
Looking at it like that, 4/1 seems rather generous, doesn't it?
Of course this is all somewhat meaningless, because Mistress R can change her mind whenever she wants. So if she wanted to, she could make me cum twice tonight, twice tomorrow night, and twice every night for the rest of the week... but I very much doubt it. I think she's starting to enjoy it far too much to do that!
Mmmm, life is good... and it's only going to get better, because tomorrow night is my first night with Mistress R as my personal trainer and not only will I get to watch her exercising in tight clothing (yum!), but I will also be taking the first step to a new, slimmer, fitter, hornier me. I've seen enough of so-called 'Doctor' Gillian McKeith's programmes to know that when you lose weight your sex drive improves (that's why she's always force feeding porkers like me Pumpkin seeds), and I'm certainly looking forward to that, even though I know it's only really going to make things harder for me... (bring it on!)
Plus I'm reliably informed that when your body looks smaller it makes your cock look bigger, and I'm all for that! I mean I've already done the pube trimming thing, I'm running out of tricks (hahaha). And of course the slimmer I get, and the bigger my cock looks, the more likely Mistress R is to want to tease me every single night until I'm a gibbering wreck (at least that's what I'm telling myself).
Well, probably not, but hey, at least I've got some new Nike shorts to make myself feel good!

Oooooooooh yes...

Mmm, just been invited to come back to bed by Mistress R and allowed to worship her beautiful pussy once more (that was a long five days let me tell you!). Not only that but after Mistress R had her lovely orgasm she soon had me nice and hard and decided to sit on my cock for a few minutes, teasing me with some rapid thrusts every now and then. God it felt so amazing being inside her again... the first time since the 1st of June. So far I'm still managing to keep control relatively easily, which is quite surprising I think, considering I'm now on day 22 of denial...
To be completely honest, as much as I desperately wanted her to touch my cock this morning, what I really wanted more than anything was to feel her cum against my tongue. Making Mistress R cum always makes me feel completely blissed out and very, very happy. I absolutely adore the taste of her pussy and I love that I can taste her for hours afterwards. Mmmm, I am so chilled right now. Which is amazing really for someone with such heavy balls!

One other thing I forgot to mention...

...yesterday on the train home when we were talking about Christmas, I said to Mistress R that if she keeps up her current rate, she would have had about 80 orgasms by then. I then said jokingly 'I wonder if I will have made it into double-figures', to which she replied 'that's a bit ambitious isn't it?', which of course could be taken two ways...

CAPTION: 100,000 pageviews...

I can't quite believe it has only been twelve weeks. Thanks to everyone who has visited, commented and emailed. And a special thanks to 'Keyheld' without whom this definitely would not have been possible!

After tomorrow, every day will be...

...a new record for me. Because tomorrow I will hit 22 days again and equal my previous record. However, it seems that there's no good me thinking I'm going to beat it by a day or two because Mistress R has made it pretty clear that I'm not going to be coming before next Saturday, and even then who knows for sure? There's nothing to stop her from extending it further if that's what she chooses to do. I have no say in it whatsoever, and that's just the way it should be.
I'm feeling pretty beat right now, London was exhausting as usual... the 'London Bridge Experience' is pretty rubbish (and expensive) but the Egyptian statues in the British Museum were pretty damn cool. Mistress R gave my cock a little rub on the train home, which was nice. I was telling her how much I loved that she just decided to add another week to my chastity period, how I loved that my orgasms are now completely in her hands, and how I'm now really starting to feel like she has taken control properly. Just talking about it made me hard, as Mistress found out... hehehe.
Earlier, on a tube station platform, we were talking about my weightloss and how much I will have lost by Christmas, and I joked 'Is that when my year of denial starts then?', and she said 'You wouldn't really want that would you?'. I just gave the only answer I could really, 'It's not up to me...', and as far as I'm concerned it isn't, if she decided she wanted to do that I would agree, without a doubt. But while on one hand part of me thinks it's super-hot, I seriously doubt I would have the willpower to do that without a chastity device, so we'd need to sort that out first.
Anyway, I think that's maybe jumping ahead a bit, as I'm still yet to beat twenty two days (although I know it's coming!). This coming week will certainly be a hard one, if you'll pardon the pun!

You can wait another week...

This morning I commented to Mistress R that this was the day we had originally intended to have our Femdom session (and I was probably 'supposed' to cum'). She said 'Yes, but you can wait another week can't you... otherwise you'll have to be locked up'. I know the 'locked-up' bit wasn't serious, but it was still nice to hear and more importantly 'you can wait another week can't you' certainly wasn't phrased as a question.
It feels so good that Mistress R is really taking control of my orgasms now, because although she has had control over them for two and a half months already, somehow this is the first time that I've really felt that it's not up to me anymore. And that is a wonderful feeling. Because when she said about moving the session, she told me that she had already decided that she wanted to make me wait another week longer than I was expecting, and truth be told, although I really do want to cum next Saturday, if she decides to make me wait another week, that would feel pretty amazing too.
No orgasms or teasing to report today, so far... and not likely tomorrow I shouldn't think... maybe Sunday will be more fruitful.
I'm looking forward to starting my diet and exercise regime actually, Mistress R is going to be my personal trainer and I'm looking forward to ogling her awesome bottom when she's bending over and stuff, hehehe.

CAPTION: Game over for another month...

CAPTION: Because she can...

CAPTION: But not any more...

Of towels, ratios and the SPD-3000...

I can't remember how many orgasms Mistress R has had since I had my sixth, but it feels like a lot (it's got to be five or six). She only needs one more to achieve a ratio of 4 to 1 for the first time since we started this, and I have a feeling it's not going to be too long before it's 5/1, then 6/1, then 7/1... I very much hope so!

Mistress R loves her new towel service, I wonder if that played some small part in her deciding to extend my chastity period? After all, Mistress R is obviously starting to see the benefits of having her husband under her control...

Just had my second thirty minutes in the CB-3000, or as I am starting to think of it, the Skin Pinching Device! I put the spacer in this time, which I forgot before and really, what does it do, except exist to create another skin pinching area? For some reason I couldn't sit comfortably with it tonight, which was annoying. I tell you, if I didn't love the idea of Mistress R having my key and being able to take temptation completely out of my hands I would give up. Maybe it will be better when I've lost some weight?

Well, now I know...

A few hours ago I was in my absolute favourite place, face down on the bed tasting Mistress R's delicious pussy. After I brought her to a nice hard climax she had me lay on my back and sucked and jerked my cock for several minutes (I don't know how long, but I have noticed that Mistress seems to be watching the clock a lot lately, as if she's already decided how much time she's going to give me), the amazing thing was that every time I was starting to think about telling her I was getting close, she would slow down and keep me the right side of having to ask her to stop. I really don't know how she did that, maybe it was luck, but it was pretty cool all the same.
After she'd decided I'd had enough... we lay together for a while and she said she thought it would be a good idea if we moved the Femdom session back to a week on Saturday, and was I okay with that. Then she said 'I don't know why I'm asking you...', we had a laugh about that, but yes I don't know why she's asking me either! Anyway, so she added that one of the reasons she wanted to move it was that she wanted to add another week to my denial. So there it is, I'm not going to cum for another eleven days, on top of the seventeen I've already waited... giving me a new record of 28 days, six more than before (and that's assuming that she doesn't change her mind when it comes down to it).
How much cum will there be after 28 days? Cos I know I'm going to have to eat it... oh fuck, I don't care. I love that Mistress R is extending my chastity period and I love that she didn't ask me if that was 'okay' or 'if I could handle it', true she did ask me if it was okay to move the session, which she didn't need to do, but hopefully next time she won't...
After a really tough, hot, long walk this afternoon, this evening really has been quite wonderful!

CAPTION: No towels...

Mistress R's sneaky plan...

There is talk that our Femdom session may be put back until Saturday the 25th of June, primarily because Mistress R and I are already feeling the effects of being on holiday, eating too much, drinking too much and going to bed too late... or perhaps it's just a sneaky way of Mistress R adding another 8 days to my chastity period?
We shall see...

CAPTION: Your absolute devotion...